unlimited

My eyes feel like they're about to melt into a little gooey puddle and drip out of their sockets... I've just finished reading the sixth Harry Potter book. I started... today. After school and after I finished the last 130 pages or so of the fifth book, which I decided to read again because I could hardly remember a thing.

So right now, I'm saturated with colourful images of people shooting of multicolored strands of stuff at each other. I feel tempted to wave anything vaguely wand like in the air and mumble incoherently under my breath. Yeah... =)

Anyway, the series isn't too bad, I suppose. Drama, suspense, stuff like that. I think it's overhyped and over publicised, but objectively speaking, the book is okay. I think it has a bit more depth than the previous books, but then again I can hardly recall most of it >_<. With it done, at any rate, hopefully I'll be able to get on with life again =). Really need to shift into studying gear... Incidentally, like the new look? I happened to find a site with a few templates, and thought "Why not?". Death recalls to my mind Terry Pratchett's version of him, who TALKS LIKE THIS. Hehe.

A few short updates (I really shouldn't, but oh well).

Update the First. I bought 2 big bars of chocolate. Ehehe... I was getting tired of opening cupboards and finding not. I look forward to eating them slowly =D. AND the little bars they came with. Some promotion. I'm having one right now =). I slid the bar out of the paper sheath... tore open the golden foil wrapper... fully expecting instant gratification... and there was another wrapper below it >_<. Okay, I'm sure you're thinking 'BIG deal,' and rolling you eyes and what not, but I think it's interesting, so live with it =).

Second the Update. I finished The Supernaturalist and Lionboy yesterday, and finished the Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time today. The former two were good stories, very imaginative reads. Two thumbs up (one for each book, not, like, two thumbs for each, because I'd, like, run out of thumbs, duh). The Dog book was... more literary. More character driven, in this case the character being a boy with Asperger's syndrome. Go read it if you're interested... I still prefer an interesting story every time. At any rate, now I have my soul back! Lost it in the books for a couple of days, now I have reclaimed it, hopefully to start studying again.

Update Third. Downloaded Scribe for Mozilla. 'That post you just lost, would it have changed the world?' In my case, probably not =), but it's a neat tagline. This extension is supposed to be able to save form field entry, i.e. like these blogger entries, but it doesn't seem to work in blogger... bah. Ctrl-S publishes, not saves.

Update Final. Had the LAN Malaysian Studies test today. I think I flunked it. I was in a hurry to catch the bus... oh well. It is my firmly held belief that it's usually quite hard to fail a subject, even if you know nothing and are of reasonable intelligence.

Update the Forgotten. Forgot to mention that there was also a career test today. I didn't pass up the form with my details (like my user ID for the quiz, though they have a master list) ultimately =), but I did go through the quiz. After I messed about with the Level 1 quiz, of course: Level 1 being 'no skills needed; skills can be learnt on the job'. Later I messed around with the job list we were supposed to fill. For the heck of it I chose the professions they suggested, that I thought I was least likely to take. Like curator. Gem cutter. And some other stuff. Also randomly picked a job from the 'Other Jobs' section: Road sweeper. This should make for some interesting reactions if my class teacher ever sees it =).

DJ of my mind playing: Somewhere Only We Know, Keane (...and if you have a moment why don't we go...)
Watched this weekend: The Final Cut (a bit disappointing, but still interesting)
Read this weekend: Artemis Fowl: The Opal Incident (fun book =)
Currently reading: Lionboy
Going to read: The Supernaturalist; The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Nighttime
form 3, turning point
Dilemma: Too many books! Too much homework! What shall I choose? While I try to decide I'll do some reading... =)
It rained today, so I couldn't go for tennis >_<. So I made up by going cycling in the evening... Cycling after a rain is soo amazing. Your face is flushed, your hair is blown back, your shirt is sticky with sweat, but all the while the cool rain washed air sweeps away the heat of your face and the worries you have seem to fall behind. You can't really outrun trouble, though. You can only evade it for a while. Cycling was quite calming for me today... *siigh*...

Of course, there's still homework and stuff, but I'm going to ramp up my efforts now. It's about time... I've been slightly distracted, thoughts scattered like grain, but now it is time to focus, time to forget everything and be one with the work. I mean, after I finish all those books up there. Good luck to me. =)

I'm talking about my modem... it was acting kinda weird this morning, after I turned it off and on again. It had been on whole night, and I tend to restart the modem so my IP address is different. Anyway, it wasn't working after that. I couldn't even access the modem's configuration page properly. Low-grade panic set in... my mom's response, after was, "Well, if the modem really doesn't work tell me, so I can cancel the subscription." I was kinda hoping for a "so we can go get it fixed" but oh well. I've just gotten it up and running again. And I am NOT going to try downloading Chinpokomon again =). That's what my com was doing last night, FYI. That my modem was smote is a bad sign =).

In other news... after frisbee today I went to dear ol' CHS because my mom wanted to pick my brother up. We didn't find him, but that's a different story. It was fun, yannow, going there. Not so fun the baking under the sun with everyone else for the closing ceremony (darn you Allan! hehe). Saw some familiar faces, though most the school is on the verge of being completely alien to me, Form 1 to Form 3 especially. I still know some of the F4s and F5s at least. And of course, some of the F6ers like Allan. There was definitely some nostalgia. Memories of opportunities lost and chances taken and stuff, but now I'm so far away from it all...

Taylor's isn't all bad, of course. I enjoy the relative freedom here, hehe. No school uniforms, can walk out of college just like that (in fact, every recess, to eat, because the food here is rather expensive... CHS still has cheap food and drinks!! =) ), can bring whatever stuff you want (to your own peril, as I've found out >_< ).

The wheels of life churn inexorably though. I've got a ton of homework that I suppose I must do... No time to reminisce too much. Till next time =).

http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/cat_steve_dont_eat_it.php

Like he said, food from the "Good Lord, NOOOO!" aisle of the supermarket =).

I woke up this morning feeling kinda funny. Normally I'm sleepy, but today... there was nearly no sense of that at all. I mean, on some level I knew I was still tired, but it was as though my brain didn't get the message... The rest of the day, I've been rather emotionless, too. Usually there's a sort of background noise of emotions in one's head, you know, the fleeting ones caused by what you see, what you hear, and stuff. But there was nearly none of that today. Maybe a little humour, a little anger, a little bitterness, but those were just small reactions. Hardly lasted at all. Veeery peculiar. I wonder if I'm okay? Oh well, it'll probably wear off over the night =).

Unrequited love has been my faithful companion through the years, but so have crushes and affections, that I fear I'm losing track of which is what. I think my capacity to love has dimished in a romantic sense, but has strengthened in other ways. I find that in my love, I think not of the present moment but of how the long years to come might stretch beautifully if I were fortunate enough. Yet I always, always wonder how true it is, and whether it would be found wanting. I certainly hope not...

It's always been a tricky thing to define though. Its causes, its moment of being, its reasons, the emotions it stirs up... all hard to pin down. I wonder whether my thoughts are cause or effect. Either way though, it lends itself to a transcending kind of peace that afflicts my most inner being, when all else about me is going astray. Like a lighthouse it is a beacon that helps me back to where I believe I should walk and be worthy of the feeling.

I have fallen in love (or is it affection?) many times, but fallen out of it so rarely. More often it is through neglect, through daily worries, that its flame is dimmed. But dimmed is not extinguish, and it lingers, until it can once again shine, or until some greater light (as yet unfound) renders it unnecessary. So what is this love? Is it love cause or effect? Do I love, because I would, or do I love, because I have no choice?

I think, if I think hard and long enouhg, that I love because I would love. For me love (which I might well have confused all these years with a sort of deep fondness/affection) is definitely a choice. It is something that reaches out to the beauty that one recognises in another, beauty in the form of values held, in the form of more-than-superficial qualities held by the other that one cherishes dearly.

In that, love becomes a sort of beacon, as I have said. The attainment of those values no longer seems impossible: because the beloved has them, therefore it is eminently possible (barring unusual circumstances) for one to strive to achieve likewise. Goals which seemed so far now are within reach, bridged by the power of the emotion within.

Blablabla... I don't know whether I made a whole lot of sense, or whether I was just trying to be poetic, but there will be some truth in what I said above, at least insofar as love concerns me.

The other thing I want to touch briefly is crudity... I quite dislike vulgarity, because it reminds me of the darkness of my own soul. It calls to the deeper, darker feelings, over which I have little control over. It repulses me, to be a slave to my flesh, and not to the mind and to judgement. The fact that people create obscenity for obscenity's sake is even worse... it only shows how low man can go. It shows the depths which I fear to sink to. Fear, because I don't know how strongly I have set myself apart from it. I worry that I will lose control, and fail myself in trying to live by my principles. I fear for myself... and what I might become.

I pray that in loving I will find strength, and that if I am blessed to find one to spend my life with (because ultimately that is what love is for, it is not meant to be a temporary event), she will strengthen me even more. But love must not and will not be the be all and end all of my life.

Long post, I know, but I needed to get it off my chest =).