unlimited

My house seems to be my prison, of late. I've barely stepped out of the house since Saturday. I missed frisbee (special event, too, at some church gathering) and a long overdue dental appointment then. Frisbee... okay, so I woke up late. Dental appointment, some screwup on my mom's part. She makes the appointments, because while she's still doing the paying, I want to make sure she can't leave me standing awkwardly in the office with an unpaid bill. As she's done far too often, before.

Next, was my usual tennis. Alas, usual no more, since my mom cancelled the class on a permanent basis, without any reason (at least, I've not been told). It was horrible, going to the courts with high spirits, only to be told by the coach, "Your mom said after June, no more class."

And then there's today, when I missed both frisbee and the informal meeting at A&W that should be on right now. Not only did my dad refuse to take me twice, but then my mom blathered on as usual about how I never take the bus because I'm supposedly too lazy and if that's the way it is I'm better off not going to Cornell after all my uncle has been taking the bus for ages without any problems. Now, repeat that a few kazillion times, and you will begin to have an idea of how grating it is to hear. I'm just afraid to respond this time, because the thought of her revoking the Cornell decision hangs like a sword of Damocles above my head.

I feel mad. Grumpy. Misunderstood. And unappreciated. I know that such feelings are all too common and that I'm getting a little old for teen angst, but knowing doesn't help and the causes haven't changed a bit. I can't wait to get out, go to college. Can't wait to leave this all behind for good.

My hope is that I learn from all of this, and become the man and father I've always wanted and dreamed of and respected. My fear is that we cannot escape the past, that we must pay and pay dearly for the sins of our fathers (and mothers).

Would that we truly were the captain of our ship, architect of our character, and master of our destiny. Would that I could get out of the house more ><.

/endlongwhinyrant =)