unlimited

The merest wind blows, and my fragile house of cards comes tumbling down. I suppose it is a miracle it lasted as long as it has.

Nasty words which I wished I never have to use come up often. Words like 'custody', 'separation'. God, it's difficult...

My dad wants to cut loose, basically. Wants a divorce soon. Says my mom is incorrigible in her ways, tempremental, and stuff. My mom wants six months to try to change but he won't give it. So she wants to just leave and give custody to my dad. I think a part of her hopes that he'll mellow down, that he'll change his mind. She also says, at least we the kids won't have to deal with her being moody and a complete wreck and all.

I don't know exactly how it all came about. Maybe it's because of the difference in earning power. I think my mom would've been better off marrying someone she knew from US, one of those top unis. But maybes don't matter anymore.

I feel so powerless... I can do so little. I wish my little brother could have a better life. But it seems doomed to be a tragic one. I'm leaning towards just letting go, just getting away... it's wrong, but I can't do much.

O God... The least I can hope for, the least I can pray for, is that in my lifetime I will learn to be gentle, kind, easy to be with. That I will find close friends to help me through everything. Now, I don't know who to turn to. Who I can lean on, for a moment. I'm not used to leaning. I'm used to being strong, hard as iron, emotionless in the face of pain.

Now, I don't know any more.