unlimited

Ideas are spinning rushing around my head and I can hardly seize one but let another slip away... Thank goodness I have a Palm =) Briefly, I've been reflecting a bit about articles I read in Time, Fortune, and theSun, been thinking about other things in general too... like how if I became rich and still lived around here when I grow up, maybe Damansara Heights would be a nicer place to live than TTDI. Also been thinking about writing a story (about an apartment block with people with a strong sense of community, where someone suddenly, mysteriously goes missing), though I never really get around to this sort of thing.

Asides, I thought about that Chinese proverb about looking straight into the eyes of the world , refusing to bow and acknowledge any master but oneself (okay, maybe not 'world', and this is almost certainly not accurate, but hey, I got 4B for Chinese, so what do you expect? =) )... my relationship to God is like that. I know He's there, I acknowledge Him, but I do not kneel before Him. For this I know full well that I may risk His wrath but even so... To me my greatest purpose, my reason for living, is accomplishing all that He has given me the ability to, is being truly, fully human, whatever that means and entails.

Religion is still a good touchstone, because even true humanity can be very evil without something to shape it... imagine a water, spilling all over the place. Now imagine it in a cup; that cup is religion/prinicples. It is what tells us how we ought to live, gives us some idea of how to act and react. I guess it's comforting to think that it isn't entirely arbitary.

BTW, I don't think Christianity is bad (read CS Lewis' Mere Christianity, it's a fine book). In this chaotic world, it helps to have a few guidelines to work with, like I said above. Violating one's own conscience can be the worse thing of all, I think. Doing what you know is wrong, falling headlong into it... knowing full well it is wrong and not struggling... that is one of the greatest evils. I had a titanic struggle of such order very very recently, and I still feel polluted... I don't want to talk about it, I'm not really completely over it besides, but I have passed the greatest darkness, I hope.

When I grow up... I want to be a brilliant ultrarich CEO (sounds so cliched, but oh well), preferably of a company I started myself and made great. I don't think I'd like to settle for anything less, would not like to merely try to earn as much money as I can before I die. I was talking to Hui Ying the other day and she said she's thinking of going into academia... On reflection it makes a lot of sense, for the kind of person I have come to see her as (though seeing her in that photo on her friend's blog brought only one word to mind: "Lobotomised" =) ).

As for me, I don't honestly see myself as an intellectual type. "Rational rather than emotional"? But emotions have their place, and a significant one it is. "Given to activities or pursuits that require exercise of the intellect"? But I'm not very good at many of those activities and so I tend to give them up. "Having or showing intellect [the ability to learn and reason; the capacity for knowledge and understanding], especially to a high degree." I don't disagree with this, hehehe. I am a person who can think things through relatively clearly, I believe (though to see clearly is sometimes a curse...). I am intelligent, rational (well, I think so anyway =). But twisty mental conundrums and philosophical problems... the question is does it affect how we live? Does it have any true bearing? The most noble aim of any creed, in my mind, is to give us guidelines for living, useful guidelines, I think. Most else is excess mental baggage, because of all the fuss people give to it. I don't like the fuss.

I like to think of myself as a simple person (with complex tastes =b ). I love seeing the sky at night, love just watching it rain, love the rugged beauty of nature. I love the simple pleasures, the simple joys which most people miss in this hectic world. Not for me cryptic tomes and dense manuals. I love fresh air, love cycling fast and feeling the cool breeze. It is too hard to count on complex things, I feel. The simple things are there always, one just needs to really learn to look with the whole of one's self.

Hmm... next random thought: playing instruments is a skill, creating music is a higher skill. Creating microchips and all sorts of gadgetry is higher still. However... inventing is even higher than that. Not just the conceptualising, but the actual research, solving problems, creating solutions where before was none... blazing new ground, sort of thing. For example, not the person who takes the Web and realises its full potential, but the one who creates it from nothingness, who has the power to bring the nonexistent into full being is greater. To create knowledge, or metacreation, creating the knowledge to create. Not exactly creating music, but creating the concept of notes and everything else associated with it: the idea of music. That is unconceivable brilliance to me. To harness the true potential and power of the mind... Simply awesome.

I was looking through some of my dad's old books early, and I also visited MPH today. So many books, so little time on earth, and no idea where to begin. we need people to show us the way... like with electronics engineering, where would I begin? where to start? it's like looking at mount olympus and wondering whether it's even possible to scale it, let alone where to begin

I feel so small, feel like I might never be as fully human as possible, but merely exist. Animals merely exist: many people do, too. It's not good enough for me, but I can't seem to find the courage to pull out of it.

And that's it for this entry... It was a real mess of random thoughts before I inflicted a measure of order upon it. Still random, still chaotic, but hopefully a good read. Cheers =).